My children were taught that if a parent failed to discipline a child, that child had a parent who hated him because the Bible teaches: “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Prov. 13:24 NKJV).

Why do modern parents tolerate the tantrums, rudeness, defiance, and rebellion of their children? Why do they pursue a policy of appeasement, often handling a defiant outburst with a piece of candy or a new toy?  Blame can be laid at the doorstep of the anti-spanking experts who have polluted the culture by making corporal punishment synonymous with child abuse, thereby creating justifiable fear in parents that public disciplining may get them in trouble with the law or Child Protective Services. While there are a number of societal causes that contribute to the status quo, much needs to be laid at the doorsteps of the church that fails to teach God’s law-word in its fullest application.

The Word of God warns us that foolishness is bound up in the hearts of children (Prov. 22:15), and those who fail to honor their God-given authority will reap the consequences of an undisciplined life (Deut. 5:16). Parents who ignore the Bible’s instructions to identify, reprove, and correct rebellion and defiance in their children bear responsibility for the actions and outcomes of those children even into adulthood. Those who are not self-consciously submitted to the authority of God, who operate without a Biblical understanding of the family, and who approach parenthood as a
make-up-the-rules-as-you-go activity, scandalize their children by being unfaithful representatives.¹ With all the excellent resources available to instruct how to discipline Biblically, parents are doubly without excuse.

The Root of the Problem

A warped understanding of the purpose of marriage contributes to our modern parenting failures. Sadly, many decide to marry without a Biblical understanding that the family is God’s basic institution of society and that God’s plan for discipling the nations begins with the fruit of the womb. Couples and their parents often give more attention to the color scheme at the wedding and the favors the guests will receive, than what the Bible says about the creation of a new Christian family. They approach their marriage with the assumption that it will evolve and progress naturally without much direct instruction from the Word.

In Genesis 1:28, God instructs Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply-in other words, to have children. Many enter marriage with something other than this dominion mandate in mind and have elevated other priorities ahead of bringing children into the world: finishing school, establishing themselves in a career, buying a house, or traveling the world. The uncertainties of our day encourage the decision to wait on children as does the huge debt from student loans, coupled with little or no prospect of employment.²

Modern culture supports these decisions to wait because, although not stated outright, there is the prevailing opinion that once children arrive on the scene, freedom and autonomy cease. This is the foundation for abortion being a woman’s right. A culture of death encourages divorcing sexual intimacy from marriage and marriage from the bearing of children. If a Christian man and woman do not consider themselves ready to become parents, they should re-evaluate the purpose of getting married.

Psalm 127 reads:

1. Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

2. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

3. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

4. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

5. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Why would Christian couples not want to receive God’s reward and blessing of children? People only refuse gifts they don’t consider valuable. God does not describe children as a financial drain. In God’s economy children are deemed a blessing. The Psalmist specifies the reward as God-given. Happiness and contentment come to the man who has many children. The Psalmist describes offspring as having an important role in the defense against enemies at the gate. We should view these enemies as God’s enemies and the children as covenant soldiers advancing the work of the Kingdom in the face of opposition (v. 5).³

Ready or Not?

Christian couples and their families need to re-examine what constitutes readiness for marriage. The Bible points to some necessary prerequisites: the man must be able to demonstrate his capacity to support his wife and future children, (the dowry demonstrated this),⁴ the wife should be physically ready to bear children and be able to look well to the ways of her household (Ps. 128:3, Prov. 31).

In our culture, the first years of marriage have replaced the betrothal period of the past. This entire period was to complete the necessary prerequisites for marriage. Only after meeting the requirements would the couple be deemed ready to marry. Because we ignore the Biblical marital guidelines, Christian marriage is often reduced to a “legal” sexual relationship.

The Christian marriage contract has a third partner, God Almighty, who places a high premium on covenant children (Ruth 4:11).⁵ A man should be established in his calling and ready to support his wife and future children, so that there are no earthly impediments to “filling his quiver.” The priority is such that a man was to refrain from starting a business or serving in the military within the first year of marriage to focus on his wife and the creation of his family. Deuteronomy 24:5 states,

When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

Rushdoony points out,

The bridegroom cannot be involved in military or civil duties. This is a requirement of very great importance because it clearly indicates the priority of the family to the nation. Religious institutions are not mentioned, because crises in such spheres are a rarity, whereas crises in national life are commonplace. No national crises can take precedence over the new marriage. Because the family is most important in God’s sight, it must always be protected. The Vulgate gives an interesting reading: the groom shall “rejoice (or, take pleasure) with the wife of his youth.” He is free, literally, “for his own household.” He has a duty under God to establish a family as a physical and spiritual entity.⁶

In God’s economy, the first year of marriage is to establish the family, recognizing that this supersedes business or national defense. This is a far cry from the perspective that eschews and postpones the arrival of children. If children are not eagerly anticipated, within the context of a Biblical framework, it is not a surprise that child rearing problems arise when the children arrive. With God’s authority being dismissed, is it any wonder that parental authority is diminished?

Who Says So?

Authority on the human scene is closely tied to status or position, but it cannot be equated with status. To illustrate, parenthood is a natural fact; giving birth to a child gives the status of a parent to the father and mother. Authority, however, is not derived from this natural fact but from God’s command. “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee” (Ex. 20:12). This is a law from God which promises long life as a gift from God for obedience. Moreover, the commandment here is to adults to honor, not to children, who are commanded more specifically to obey (Eph. 6:1). This law has no true analogue in the world of nature.

This means that parents who seek to command their children naturalistically deny they have religious authority. Such mothers will tell their children of the “trauma” of conception and birth, and all their “sacrifices” for their children, and the fathers will recount how much time and money their children have cost them. The children are unimpressed: they didn’t ask to be born, and none of these facts give the parents any true authority. Authority is a religious fact, and unless it is religiously grounded, it quickly disappears.⁷

Back to our tyrant-in-the-making child who has no healthy fear of his parents. Every child is born with this wickedness in his heart which manifests itself as he gains new abilities. If parents do not stand on the firm foundation of God’s law, they either take the path of least resistance by submitting to the child’s dictates, or they can become heavy-handed and abusive.

When I informed my children that the parents who failed to correct their children hated them, I had Scriptural backing: Hebrews 12:6, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” If this method of correction is good enough for God the Father, parents should not hesitate to apply such discipline when necessary.
Furthermore, consistent application early on in a child’s life has the added benefit of becoming less and less necessary as the child matures.

Today’s explanations on the “bad” behaviors of children are manifold and have been dosed out to us by child psychologists with expressions/excuses such as the terrible twos, the teenage years, or boys will be boys. Charles Spurgeon does not agree.

The proverb is, “Boys will be boys,” but I do not think so. They will be men, if we let them have time; unless they learn self-restraint and habits of obedience while they are boys, they are not likely to make good men. He who cannot obey is not fit to rule; he who has never learned to submit, will make a tyrant when he obtains the power. It is good that every child should be broken in, delivered from his foolish self-will, and made to feel that he has superiors, masters, and governors, and then, when it shall come to his turn to be a leader and a master he will have the more kindly fellow-feeling to those who are under him.⁸

Children pick up very early on if their parents’ profession of faith matches their actions. Parents who refuse God’s authority cannot lead their children to obey them or God. Irresponsible, self-indulgent adults come from somewhere; they don’t just develop from out of the blue. The fabric of society, whether functional or dysfunctional, comes out of the context of family life.

Training for Governing

Training for government in church, state, and other areas is in Scripture essentially within the family. This is apparent in two key texts. First, in every Passover service, beginning with the very first in Egypt, the instruction and participation of the sons was a requirement. Every religious festival had an element of instruction in it, and it was essential in all things that the children be reared in the essentials and fundamentals of the faith. God so requires it (Ex. 12:26-27; Ex. 13:8-14).⁹

The Hebrew child participated in the Passover Service. The Christian child took part in communion, for the first eight centuries everywhere, and the practice had some prevalence still into the fourteenth century. It was clearly seen as essential that the covenant child understand the meaning of salvation
and that as early as possible share the responsibility of the redeemed. He was taught to ask the question, because it was his responsibility to give an answer for his faith. This kind of training appears also in Joshua 4:6 where the question, “What mean ye by these stones?” requires the answer of teaching God’s saving power.¹⁰

The question from the youngest child and resultant answer from the father is all part of the training that teaches the child that he/she has been born into a context, an already organized and ordered life. The significance of having the youngest child ask the question is so that all within the household of faith would learn, and be expected to know, the meaning behind the symbolism. To exclude children from a knowledgeable participation in the faith cripples them. How are they to understand that failing to obey will shorten their lives, if they have not been taught and then held accountable?

This theme repeats throughout the Scripture but is emphatically driven home in Psalm 78, especially verses 1-8:

1. Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth.

2. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old:

3. Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us.

4. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.

5. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:

6. That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children:

7. That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:

8. And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God.

Rushdoony comments,

This whole psalm cites the lessons of history which parents must teach their children; the history lessons are illustrations of God’s judgments and are to be a part of the teaching of God’s law. Life must be built upon the law of God, the psalmist says, and the law must be taught to children: this is God’s requirement. Without the law, and the examples of God’s judgment on law-breakers in Scripture, history will be the continuing and weary round of judgment on unconfronted covenant-breakers. Even more, it is not merely knowledge of the law, but a life of faithfulness which is required. The goal is “that they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments” (v. 7).¹¹

Biblical Expectations

Question #104 in the Heidelberg Catechism reads, What does God require in the fifth Commandment? The answer: That I show all honor, love and faithfulness to my father and mother, and to all in authority over me; submit myself with due obedience to all their good instruction and correction, and also bear patiently with their infirmities, since it is God’s will to govern us by their hand.

Authority begins for us in the home. God places parents over children. All children are to show “honor, love and faithfulness” to their parents. Ephesians 6:1-3 gives the New Testament interpretation of this commandment. God’s promise of blessing to obedient children still stands! Disobedient children are wicked children who are preparing themselves for ungodly lives and eventually hell, if they do not repent.¹²

Honor thy father and thy mother is the first commandment with a promise, and must be established early on in a child’s life. Without doing so, children are trapped in a sinful cycle that promises to shorten their days and their parents become accomplices in their dire end. Conversely, when couples eagerly anticipate God’s blessing of children and steward these lives into obedient service, they will receive the mercy unto thousands of them that keep the commandments of God. This is how the Kingdom is forwarded.

1. Thanks to Rev. Mike O’Donovan of Rock of Liberty Church in Fort Worth, TX (www.rockofliberty.com) in a recent exposition of Lord’s Day 39 from the Heidelberg Catechism.

2. Interestingly enough, many married couples would be astonished and possibly offended to discover that their reasons for holding off on having children mirror almost exactly the reasons offered by abortion-minded women who claim that abortion is their only option due to these same considerations.

3. Rev. Mike O’Donovan has an interesting view on v. 3. His take is that the reward belongs to God as much as it is given by God. So, in essence, the decision to hold off on having children is depriving God of what is lawfully His.

4. Ex. 22:16 speaks of the bride-price as normative. This is not the purchase of a woman as chattel property, but an indication of the man’s commitment and ability to assume the role of husband.

5. The absence of children in a marriage is lamented by many prominent women of the Bible (e.g. Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Hannah), or in some cases presented as a sign of judgment (Michal).

6. R .J. Rushdoony, Deuteronomy (Vallecito, CA: Ross House Books, 2008), 372.

7. R. J. Rushdoony, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2 (Vallecito, CA: Ross House Books, 1994) 1140-1141.

8. The Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit: Sermons, Parts 249-260, by Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

9. R. J. Rushdoony, Systematic Theology, Vol. 2 (Vallecito, CA: Ross House Books, 1994), 683-684.

10. Ibid.

11. Ibid

12. Rev. Norman L. Jones, Study Helps on The Heidelberg Catechism (Reformed Church in the U.S., Publications Committee, 1981).

Reggie Littlejohn

“Women are dragged out of their homes in the middle of the night, strapped down to tables, forced to abort babies they want up to the 9th month of pregnancy and these forced abortions can be so violent that the women themselves die along with their full term baby.” “Forced abortion is not a choice.  It is official government rape.”

Listen to this compelling interview with HHFW’s Andrea Schwartz and Reggie Littlejohn.

Visit Women’s Rights without Frontiers and see how you can help stop this brutal practice

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*Baby Thea

Hello Ladies,

I thought I’d share with y’all about my Kenyan birth experience, since you two would be able to appreciate it most! Some friends back in the States seemed to assume I’d be giving birth in a grass hut somewhere–LOL! I’d gladly have taken a home birth with a midwife, but that’s just not available here unless you live in the bush with no other alternative. However, the hospital model of care is still midwifery-based, so the experience was a wonderful, non-stressful one.

First off, I had an Italian-Kenyan OB, Dr. Angela Amato.* She trained as a midwife in Italy and as an OB somewhere else in Europe (where the midwifery model is still considered tops). She and her family have lived in Kenya for over  25 years (Dr. Amato is in her early 50s). Dr. Amato works through the birthing center at university hospital here in Nairobi, which is a modern hospital. Half of it is for university students; the other half is just a regular privately-run hospital. But WHAT a hospital! Giving birth there was like being at the Ritz-Carlton: inlaid marble floors, cut glass vases filled with floral arrangements in the hallways, uniformed waiters handing out catered meals, comfortable birthing suites built to include family members, etc. They are even in the middle of building a water birthing suite for ladies who’d prefer that option (would’ve loved to try that if it had been ready!).

The birthing unit is staffed with nurse-midwives, all of whom are taught to offer support for natural childbirth rather than to expect or offer interventions. Kenyan OBs are horrified at the rate of “routine” interventions like pitocin induction and episiotomies in the West, so their focus is on teaching expectant mothers to be proactive about their health through good nutrition, healthy exercise, and preparation for a natural, unmedicated birth. Because they do serve a large ex-pat community, the hospital will give epidurals if requested, but they do not schedule c-sections on  request. Those are reserved for emergency situations only. Because of this, the hospital’s birthing wing is fully equipped for ladies to labor comfortably, including labor balls, birthing stools, support bars for standing and squatting during labor, and lots of comforts including hot compresses, back massage on request, etc. Here are some of the things that impressed me the most:

1. The staff all treat birth as a wonderful, miraculous event that is to be celebrated. We had three Christian midwives rotate through while we were there, all of whom thought it was fabulous that we were having our tenth child and thrilled to give all the support they could. The Kenyan midwife who was there when Thea* was born practically danced around happily when the baby was ready to push out. She kept saying, “I’ll be an aunty today!” Her cheerful, upbeat attitude was just amazing.

2. Catered meals during labor. “What? I am allowed to EAT?!” This is one policy in stateside hospitals that I have never understood. A woman goes into labor and is told she cannot have anything except sugary popsicles or ice chips, even if her labor goes long. By the time the baby is ready to push out, she is exhausted and has no caloric reserves to get her through that last stage. The blood sugar level has bottomed out after a brief sugar high. This makes NO sense. Whenever I’ve birthed in a hospital, I’ve always “cheated” by having family members sneak in food. I understand that the intestines need to be clear during pushing, but light eating is not going to cause problems, and an enema can always come in if it’s really necessary. So Kenyan OBs encourage laboring mothers to eat nutritious meals throughout labor. They only rule out heavier meats like beef or lamb (which take longer to go through the gut) if labor has progressed far enough along to warrant that. So I had a lady come in with a menu to take my orders during labor. The food was AMAZING! I had rice with steamed veggies and Indian Jeera chicken, mushroom soup, BBQ chicken breast with mashed potatoes and salad, strawberries with whipped cream…all kinds of really yummy food.  As a result, I felt “up” for the entire labor and did not tire out when I came to the end. This was a huge, huge blessing.

3. The parents’ wishes are honored throughout the entire labor and delivery. I took my birth plan in, and the OB went over it with all the midwives so they would understand my wishes (darkened room with minimal noise and interruption; freedom to walk around and move to get labor going; etc.). They completely agreed and followed my plan to the letter. They didn’t even flip on all the lights when it was time to push. The OB just pulled over an OTT light and shined it where needed for delivery.

4. Vaccines are totally up to parents and are not pushed by the pediatrician. Our baby doctor came right after delivery to check Thea over and give the Apgar scores, etc.  He asked us what our policy was on vaccines and said he totally honored it and that it was our decision. He did urge the polio vaccine by four months, since polio still exists here, but he said the a-cellular version is available (dead virus rather than live virus). He told us to make the decision about when to vaccinate and call when we were ready. This just would not happen in the States unless you had a “vaccine-neutral” doctor, and those are increasingly rare as the federal government mandates more and more “routine” vaccinations at younger and younger ages.

5. Cost. There are no insurance-mandated pricing schemes here in Kenya. For a privately run hospital, you pay for what you get–you don’t pay for what some insurance company or national health care initiative thinks should be added to the bill. As a result, the total hospital fees were under $1200 (that included two days in the labor wing and a night in the recovery room; all meals; all supplies; midwives; medicine (Tylenol for after birth); etc.). The total doctor fees (for both OB and pediatrician) were about $1300. When we had Libby* in the States, the bill came to over $9000, which we were able to negotiate down to $4000 since we didn’t use half the things on the list (like the anesthesiologist). It’s just way cheaper to have a baby here, and you get a lot more for the money!

Okay, so back to the birth story! I woke up at Saturday morning around 2:30 because I was having some fairly hard contractions. I pulled out a timer and started timing them around 3am. I saw that they were five minutes apart and lasting two minutes. I should know better by now than to jump the gun, but Owen’s* super-fast birth always lingers in my head, so I woke Keith* up.  By 3:30, he was ready to go to the hospital, convinced this was “it.” So we loaded up and headed out, arriving at university hospital around 4am. Our OB arrived at the same time and got me settled into a labor/delivery room. These are beautiful rooms with a couch for family members, a huge bathtub for laboring comfort if the mother wishes it, CD player for music, but no other distractions. The midwife on duty hooked me up to the monitor for 20 minutes to check the baby’s heartbeat, then did an internal check, finding that I was fully effaced but only dilated to 1cm (typical for me!). I asked for a labor ball and did some walking around until it came. The contractions had spaced out quite a bit but seemed to kick back in about an hour later. I labored on the labor ball for a couple of hours (so comfortable!), but the contractions stayed at about the same level. Walking around didn’t make them come on any stronger, and I began to have suspicions that this was going to be like Libby’s birth with a long false alarm at the beginning.

Keith and I ate a delicious lunch, and I started getting really sleepy around 1pm (having been up since 2am!), so I decided to labor on my side in the bed and rest while I could. My OB came in to see how things were going and agreed it was best to sleep if that was possible. Long story short, the contractions quit while I slept for about an hour and a  half. When I woke up, I realized everything had petered out, so I rang for the midwife. She was surprised that everything had stopped after such good labor early on, but I told her this had happened to me before. She called the OB, who gave me a couple of options:

1. Check out and go back home and wait until things really got moving before coming back.
2. Stay overnight at the hospital and see if labor started back up by morning.

If it didn’t, she would give me a small dose of prostaglandin (placed up by the cervix) to encourage contractions. Pitocin is simply not used to induce labor here — it is used after birth if it looks like there’s a potential for hemorrhage. My OB said that “everyone” knows that pitocin-induced contractions aren’t really like natural labor at all and can often stress the baby. I told her that practically no one in the States knows that except midwives!

Prostaglandin is a hormone the body naturally produces, and, when applied to the cervix, can get natural labor  moving right along. She says she has a 95% success rate with it. (Evening Primrose Oil is one homeopathic source of prostaglandin used by midwives in the States.)

After talking to Keith, we agreed that having to go through the entire checkout process only to check back in again once labor started was just not a great idea. I was game about staying overnight (Keith would go home and check on the  kids, who were there with our friend Kent Anderson*). So that’s what we did. The midwife gave me the half-dose of prostaglandin at 5:30am, and good, solid contractions kicked in by 9am. I ate another delicious lunch around 12:30, and then got on the birthing stool to labor. Contractions jumped to about four minutes apart and were nice and strong. I asked for the birthing ball around 2pm, since it was more comfortable. The contractions continued, but I had only  dilated to about 4cm (still typical for me!), so I asked Keith to send out a prayer request to our church home group. I then got up and started walking to get things moving.

By 2:45, I was in serious, hard labor and had moved to the birthing bed, where I knelt, holding on to the upright back (kind of like a squatting position, only more comfortable). I called the midwife in around 3:15 to tell her I thought I was really close. She checked me, and I was now at 8cm, so she ran off to page the OB. Dr. Amato arrived ten minutes later and asked if I wanted to give birth in that position (which would have been fine). I decided I wanted to turn around and birth at a 45-degree angle like I did with Libby. She checked me when I was settled and found I was all the way dilated with a big bag of waters bulging out! She asked if I wanted her to break the water, and I agreed. As soon as my water broke, I felt the urge to push. Three pushes later, and Thea was out! She came out with a huge “splash” — I apparently had a lot of fluid!

I was given Thea so I could hold her and start nursing, and the doctor waited for her cord to stop pulsing so she could cut it. When that was done, the pediatrician checked the baby’s hands and feet for her Apgar score and said to take my time nursing; all the other checking could be done later. The two midwives on duty just grinned and grinned over the successful delivery (no tearing; no problems) and kept congratulating us on being such “rich” parents to have ten children. It was amazing! After Thea nursed one side, I gave her to the pediatrician to check for her second Apgar score and to give the Vitamin K shot. They don’t do any eye drops or ointment here, which I thought was interesting, given the high STD rate. But it doesn’t appear to be routine. Thea was handed straight back to me so I could nurse some more, and I delivered the placenta and got the green light to simply lie back and rest while the OB monitored me for any excessive blood loss. They did put in a hep lock IV as a precaution, since I’d need a quick transfusion if I did start to hemorrhage. Thankfully, it was never needed.

An hour later, we were taken to our recovery room and asked for our dinner order. The midwife came in to weigh and measure Thea, and we spent a restful night (peaceful baby!). Here’s one last Kenyan bonus: A midwife came in at 9 pm  to remove my hep lock and tell me to expect my “chocolate” at 6am before breakfast. Yes, fresh hot cocoa is considered a must for every new mother. Kenyans believe it helps “bring in the milk,” so I was provided with a hot pot of chocolate at breakfast and lunch the next day! Does it get any better than that? LOL!

All in all, it was a wonderful experience, and I was home less than 24 hours after Thea’s birth (an 8-hour stay is all that is required, but since we finished up so late, I was given an overnight stay). I’m just tickled pink with the level of care and the emphasis on all the right things: nutrition, preparation for natural childbirth; etc. I’d gladly do it again! I only wish the US could “catch up” to Kenya in this area….

Love and blessings,

Joy* (Mother of 10)

*name changed

Lisa’s husband and sons are The Wintons, a gospel bluegrass band that tours the country and shares the message of Christian adoption.  In this interview Lisa is open and frank about her two daughters and their adoption stories.

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Before I venture to answer that important question, and lest it sound like I have all the answers, I would first point to the invaluable resources, upon which I have drawn, in my nine years of being a granny to two boys and two girls ranging from 3 – 9 years old, as I attempt to broach this vast subject!

The Grace of God has enabled me to mine the wisdom and insight I have needed, from The Word of God, hearing Spirit inspired Truth from my Pastor of 26 years and, more recently, over the past three years, being part of a Women’s Bible Study from ‘The Institutes of Biblical Law’ by Rev. R.J Rushdoony.

Here follow just some of my observations and lessons learned regarding this important question!

My friend, Karen, a teacher, has a prayer request box for her pupils and the overwhelming response from them is the request to “have more time with my Dad.”

I have seen what an important place their Dad holds in the hearts of my grand-children.  My youngest grand-daughter, Stephi (3yrs), when she has hurt herself, will immediately wail:  “I want my Daaaddy!” On another occasion, I pointed out to Christina (she was 3 yrs old then) that the Agapanthus flower was what I had had in my bouquet for my wedding, as we walked along admiring flowers. Out of the blue, Christina said (with exasperation in her voice!):  “Where am I going to find a Prince – I don’t know where I will find him – my Daddy is already married to my Mom so I can’t have him!!!”  It is so important to seize every opportunity to encourage honor for their parents in these little hearts!

I have realized how important it is to win the hearts of my grand-children in order to be able to influence them, so as to train them in “the way they should go”.   Being firm, consistent, true to your word,  reliable, and showing respect are what builds trust and then you are able to guide and inspire them!

I have remembered the wise words I once heard, regarding “quality time“,  and for which I am so thankful!  ‘You can’t “MAKE” quality time …. quality time happens when you are there to enjoy, with your children and grand-children, the wonder of a butterfly fluttering through the flowers, to ‘kiss it better’ when they have hurt themselves and to listen, really LISTEN – not just with your ears, but with your heart!

I try to ‘spoil’ my grand-children by giving them something to look forward to – a ‘surprise’, such as taking along a King Protea flower to show and share with them, having and learning all about silk worms, discovering that the ‘rain-flowers’ are blooming (Dutch Irises).  Showing great enthusiasm for the wonder in the World around us in nature as well as talking to the children about ‘current affairs’ is important.  An example of this was when the bridge we travel under on our way home from school was under construction and the builders were on strike, I told Christina (3 years of age then) that the builders were demanding more money to buy food for their children and that is why they were not working on the bridge that day.  This story got carried home to Dad and Mom and low and behold I was able to show her the story in the local ‘rag’ (newspaper) the following day!

Both my grand-daughters will soon after I have collected them from school, ask:  “What are we going to make today, Granny?”  I thought they had been instructed and entertained enough at school and it meant we could just ‘hang’ together with them and chill and relax! Not so!  I have realized that they enjoy this opportunity and see it as a time of “focused attention” that they so enjoy!  I have to trawl the internet for ideas and we have had so much fun putting together some of our ideas!  Here, I have found it so important, to allow them to use their own creativity and skills (however amateurish the final product looks) and for them to not just be an audience, watching their Granny put something together!

This week, we were doing a project with them and Grandpa told Christina he could see she was going to be a good artist – I was amazed at how much this meant to her – she immediately came to tell me and then she repeated it to me again, a little later – it really did something for her!  This shows how important it is to nurture their gifting!

In dealing with our grand-children, there are three valuable pointers I got from Dr Ross Campbell in his book “How to really love your Child” – advice which I have gone back to over the years are:   1. Eye contact (it is a fact that when we are at odds with someone, we avoid eye contact, but it is so necessary in our interaction with each other!), 2. Physical contact (tousle their hair, some rough and tumble with their Grandpa, holding their hand, hugs and kisses – closeness – a time of reading books to them is an ideal opportunity to be close.  I read books to my sons up until they were 16 years old and they LOVED it) and 3. Focused attention!  (a set time of doing something just THEY,  individually,  want to do – not what you feel like, or think is a good idea).  Although children are to be dealt with for disobedience, it is important to look for the possible causes for their poor behavior, ie – are they hungry?  tired? a wet diaper? are they unwell? – none of these should ever be an excuse for them to ‘get away with’ bad behavior but it is also important to take such situations into consideration and ensure they are fed, have their nap, get their diaper changed, etc. – and so, ensure that their ‘need’ is met.

Another ‘gem’ I learned was the importance of having a routine – this is a great source of stability and security for children – so that they are not living in suspense about what is going to happen next, which is stressful for them! This is why it is important to communicate to children what you are doing, where you are going, what to expect, explaining and not assuming they know what is going on.

A final gem would be the importance of ensuring that you are on same ‘page’ as their parents (regarding their routines, what they eat, etc.), so that the children are not getting confused by mixed messages!

Our example – as we follow Jesus’ example - of kindness and firmness teaches them kindness and temperance.  The guidelines we have in the Ten Commandments are the ultimate and absolute “yardstick”  that guides us in the training and influencing of our grand-children.  It is also an excellent opportunity to teach them the vital truth regarding consequences for our actions and the importance of taking responsibility, being accountable and submission to authority.

Ultimately, a question to ask is not so much “what do children want”, but “what does Jesus want?”  What blesses Jesus above everything we think, say or do, is our obedience to His Commands, so, I would think, that there is nothing more important to pass onto your children and your grand-children than deferring to Him and His Word!  As they see our genuine walk of faith in the gift, the wonder of, obedience to and honor of Jesus, this will, in turn, instill the same honor for Him in their hearts. If we would stop and ask the question “what would Jesus want?” every time we face a challenge or an obstacle, then, surely, the situation could be handled with the greatest wisdom, insight and blessing?

I have also realized that to be faithful to our charge, as we are blessed to have such a privileged opportunity to influence our grand-children for the Kingdom of God, we need to take this charge very seriously! I am challenged by the example of Lois, the grand-mother of Timothy, when I see the trans-generational impact she had on her daughter, Eunice and then, in turn, on Paul’s “beloved son”, Timothy!  It is my hope, my prayer and my longing that I, too, may leave such a legacy!

Undergirding all of this, is the utmost importance of praying for our children and our grand-children, bringing them before the great Father of all of life, our Creator-God and the great Intercessor, Jesus, who unceasingly prays for us – what a comfort, what a joy and what a blessing!

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Guest Post by Maryke Wright

I was born in Windhoek, Namibia and currently reside in Johannesburg, South Africa, with my beloved husband of 41 years, Anthony.  We are enjoying our “retirement” years together and love that we have the time to be able to interact with our  grand-children, during the week. One of my great ‘loves’ is doing arts and crafts and the Lord has opened up such a wonderful avenue for me, with my grand-children, to be able to do just that!  My greatest desire and hope is that I should serve the Lord faithfully in the destiny and purpose that He has for my life.

Right-click on Download and ‘Save target as’ or ‘Save link as’ choose a location to which you would like to save the mp3 file and click ‘Save’ (Download may take a few minutes)

What you Need:
Mini Pumpkin
Tea lights
A knife

Use the silver part of the tea light to make  the circle markings around it’s edge with your knife on your pumpkin middle.  Be careful not to make the circle  too big or there will be gaps around your tealight.

Don’t let the knife go in too deep or it will pierce the bottom of your pumpkin.

Remove the middle.

Add your tealight.

You can make as many as you want and light them for a beautiful table decoration.
Make sure you have something underneath the pumpkins to protect your table from any candle wax.
Candle holders will last a few days.

Since the flexi-clip comes in a variety of sizes it accommodates for hair of all types and length! I got the extra small because I wanted to try it in my daughters’ hair. That size works well for a pony or half up for me but I think I will get a bigger size for some of the other hairstyles I’d like to try. I already know that I would like to start a collection of these gorgeous clips!  They are well made, quick to use and provide you with a classy look in moments!

Here is what Andrea Schwartz has to say: “The flexi-clip is the best of both worlds – holds as well as an elastic tie, while leaving smooth, feminine lines as with a clip. Most clips, though, cannot adequately hold thick or long hair, but not so with the flexi-clip. It holds the hair well and manages not to produce a headache in the process.”

Just look at some of the amazing hairstyles you can produce!

They also have bobby-pins

And hair sticks!

But don’t just take my word for it.  Go see for yourself at Lilla Rose with Sarah Montee.  There are so many options to choose from!  And if you’re an early bird these would make GREAT Christmas presents!

Now for some exciting news!  Sarah Montee at Lilla Rose is giving away one of His Heartbeat for Women readers their choice of anything from Lilla Rose valued $15 or under!   Visit the sizing and styling page at Lilla Rose for help determining what size you need and what hairstyle you like best!

I hope you win!

Martha Peace in the Introduction to her book Becoming a Titus 2 Woman says,

A Titus 2 woman is an older, mature Christian woman who teaches and encourages younger women. Her ministry is based on the Scripture passage in Titus 2:3-5. It seemed to me that every Christian woman regardless of age or marital status should aspire to become a Titus 2 Woman.  Most churches today are woefully lacking in the training of these ladies. They may have organized woman’s functions, but there seems to be few if any older women who are discipling the younger women biblically as required in Titus 2:3-5.

Rock of Liberty Ministries in conjunction with Emmaus Christian fellowship is pleased to announce an interactive webinar called Titus 2 Mentoring with His Heartbeat for Women host Andrea Schwartz.

Details of this webinar will follow in the weeks to come.

Recently I had the privilege of speaking to a homeschool support group in San Jose, CA, with the purpose of encouraging them in their pursuit to provide a godly education for their children.  I shared 10 points that I believe are helpful in achieving that end.

1. Teach your children the Word of God, rather than try to convert them. By presenting the biblical standard that their entire duty is to fear God and keep His commandments (Ecc.  12:13), you will be tutoring them to Christ.  The law ofGod will never save them, but it must govern their lives.

2. Character development is much more important the academic achievement. There is a tendency to become stressed over academics to the point that homeschooling moms often overlook defiance and rebellion in order to “get the work done.”

3.  Relate all subjects in your curriculum to Scripture. If you cannot find a link, maybe it is not worth studying. Examine the presuppositions of the materials you are using and see if they conform to a biblical world and life view.

4.  The homeschool mom must make time for her own study, exercise, health, and recreation. Don’t your students deserve a well-balanced, motivated teacher?

5.   Look at your children as individuals. What worked for one, won’t necessarily work for the others. Identify what you think each student’s strengths and weaknesses are, and approach their education to encourage the former and improve the latter.

6.  Put your children to work. Academics are only a small fraction of life and education. There is no reason why children as young as eight cannot be handling their own laundry and significant chores around the home. Mom should be the overseer, not the slave! In preparation for adulthood, being able to care for yourself and others is vital.

7.  Volunteer as a family in areas that the Bible calls us to minister using your family’s unique gifts. Visit retirement communities (a great place perform all the recital pieces they’ve prepared), help other families with needs during
illness or crisis, or take on projects needing to be done at church and do them as a family.

8.  Choose adults who are willing to serve as informal mentors for your children to support you in your child-rearing and educational efforts. Select people you trust and share your goals and purposes. Often these mentors can assist in helping resolve family problems when they arise because they have already been involved.

9.  Watch out for activities that encourage “group think” or draw your children’s loyalties and priorities away from the family. God ordained the family as the basic institution of society and all activities should be done in a context which acknowledges, respects, and supports that fact.

10. Acquaint your children with the spiritual warfare that exists. Let them know that God’s enemies are also their enemies who will oppose their loyalty to Jesus Christ. Instill in them the vision that they are preparing to be useful members of the Kingdom of God and should not take their privileged learning situation for granted.